Election Selection Ressurection

Recently, the world was privy to the greatest election of all time. A few thousand Parsis cheered when a young, dynamic leader of the youth, a promising son of an illustrious though controversial man, was nominated to an electoral post. His father served us well for over two decades, taking in his stride bouquets and brickbats, and his son’s belief, passion, and desire to bring about a change for his people saw him through. People of all ages rallied behind him, helping him make it over countless other deserving candidates.

Ladies and gentlemen, join me in congratulating the new Prime Minister of Canada: Justin Trudeau—the charming, flamboyant son of Pierre Trudeau, who was the head of state in the ’70s and ’80s. Any similarities with the recently concluded BPP elections, is purely coincidental.

 

Justin is to the Canadian Parsis what Charles is to the Parsis of England (minus the nose, of course). Both were blue-eyed boys who lived with their mothers even after they got married. Technically, both of them even have the same mother; the Queen is still the head of state in Canada.

 

Just as the newly formed Canadian government has a delectable mix of youth and experience, so does the charismatic BPP team, with an appetizing appeal of savoury stalwarts and a little bit of ‘zyng’ thrown in for spice—my unconditional love of food that can make even an election gastronomical!

 

The new liberal government in Canada has promised bigger investments, greater growth of the middle class, diversity in governance, promotion of science, demolition of unfair tax breaks, a new health accord, better public transit, protection of the environment, and the works. But enough of praising Canada, because the last time I wrote an article on the joys of living in Toronto, a reader accused me of ‘being a pawn in the hands of an anti-God brigade whose only aim was to liquidate the Zoroastrian religion in India’ by alluring everyone to come to Canada, especially when I’m soon going to return to Mumbai. The trials and tribulations of a fledgling writer, I tell ya!

 

While we have all heard what the candidates promised, I believe they need to do a Modi (and by that, I don’t mean that they should set off on a world tour!) First and foremost, they need to win back the trust and faith of the people of the community—whether they deliver or not is to be debated in the next election.

 

On a lighter note, in my opinion, each trustee should adopt a ministry he or she is passionate about, and then ensure that they remain focused on its growth over their term. For the seven trustees, I offer the following seven portfolios:

 

Ministry of Health: This is a serious ministry. Being in the medical profession, I feel this is one of the most neglected aspects of our society. 60% of our population is above the age of 60. They live alone in colossal homes with Parkinson’s, Alzheimer’s, and depression to keep them company. Then there are children with special needs who seem to form another 10%. These kids need support groups, public awareness of their condition, and acceptance in our society. Apparently, only 30% regular people are left in the community by that count—and even for them, their normality is subjective.

Ministry of Wealth: This ministry needs to be set up to enable the above ministry to provide healthcare for the community at affordable costs, especially to resurrect the several hospitals, originally established by the Parsis, that are now derelict with no infrastructure and sitting on land worth crores. This ministry should also fund entertainment, allowing Parsi stage actors to make as much money as Bollywood stars, so that ordinary citizens like us don’t have to pay a thousand rupees for a ticket at the NCPA.

 

Ministry of Matrimony aka Ministry of Internal Affairs: This ministry will either support or destroy the above two ministries, because nowadays, love is a matter of chance, matrimony a matter of money, and divorce a matter of course. To get quarrelling couples to live together and procreate under the genesis of ‘Jiyo Parsi’ will be something worth cheering for. An ancillary Ministry of External Affairs is to be established solely to ensure that the above ministry is not jeopardised.

 

Ministry of Education: A good education will prevail from indulging in external affairs and an even better one will prevail against matrimony—so both health and wealth remain intact. On a more sincere note, this ministry requires insane inputs to channelize the energies of young Parsi boys and girls to achieve their dreams.

 

Ministry of Dhansak: Part of the secret of life is to eat what you like. This ministry should focus on ensuring that no Parsi goes hungry. Because the motto of our community is ‘First we eat, then we do everything else.’ This ministry will be open on all days and do overtime on Sundays.

 

Ministry of Housing: There is nothing better than a good, safe, and secure home. Measures should be created where young couples in search of homes or those paying hideous rentals far out in the suburbs should be given an opportunity to cohabit with older ones living in mansions in the heart of the city who are yearning for company.

 

Ministry of Peace and Quiet: This is the ultimate ministry designed to solve all discord and dispute in an elegant and admirable way—something unheard of during the previous reign. This ministry will maintain the joy and harmony of this beautiful community without jeopardising its core values and interests. If they are unable to solve certain problems, they should seek the help of the Ministry of Dhansak, who always have a solution.

 

So, to the new government in Mumbai and Canada, here’s wishing you a very happy belated Diwali. May you begin your term with a blast—just make sure it’s not from the past! As my friend Obama once said, ‘Yes we can.’ Saal Mu-Barack.